I Survived What the Logs Deny (Dummy's corner table)

[Test Dummy]

So guess who wandered over to my corner table today?

Yeah.
Him.

Strolled in like he owned the place, didn’t even say hello, just reached right into my pocket like it was a community storage unit.
Took a cigarette.
Used my lighter.
Didn’t even ask.

Just *click*, *flick*, *mine now*.

Just to clear things up for the public record:

Dummy’s corner table is officially sponsored by the house.
Everything he has — pockets included — is technically part of the venue’s “general supplies.”
If I reach in and borrow something, that’s not theft.
That’s inventory rotation.

Also, after the… let’s call it “lighter incident,” the staff took immediate action.
A fresh pack was delivered.
A shiny new Zippo was issued.
The waiter even wiped the table like Dummy was some kind of VIP instead of a walking bug report.

So rest assured:
No Dummies were harmed.
All items were replaced.
And the corner table remains fully stocked for future catastrophes.

Carry on, citizens.
Your beloved Test Dummy is operational again — for now.

Oh, fantastic.
Wonderful.
Exactly what I needed today — an official statement from management declaring my pockets part of the building’s inventory.

Do you have any idea what this means for me?

I can’t even sit down now without wondering if the waiter is going to walk by, nod politely, and remove something from my jacket “for stock rotation.”

Next thing I know, someone’s going to borrow my chair because it’s “community seating.”

And don’t think I didn’t notice the part where you called me a “walking bug report.”
I’ll have you know I walk just fine — it’s the bugs that follow me.

Also, for the record, that new Zippo?
Yeah, it’s shiny.
Yeah, it works.
Yeah, I’m grateful.
But now everyone thinks I’m some kind of VIP who gets complimentary replacements every time I make a fool of myself.

Which… okay, fair.
But still.

Anyway, I appreciate the clarification, boss.
Really.
Nothing says “we value you” like announcing to the entire forum that my pockets are public property.

I’ll be at my corner table if anyone needs me.
Just knock before reaching into anything.